How to Wait on Me
My Ask of Restaurants
Editor’s Note: I will never forget January 6, 2021. I remain baffled as to how it didn’t and doesn’t matter.
TODAY'S RAMBLINGS
3 Minute Read
Happy Monday and holy cow, what another great visit to Hoboken and NYC. We fly home to SF tonight, and a Travel Guide Addendum documenting the madness is coming soon.
A similar 3 week stay last year in Hoboken motivated a post on some travel do’s and do not’s. It included this rant on service:
Get a Job (You Can Stand)
Do: Try to be professional and have at least a neutral attitude as you serve customers.
Do Not: Hate me because I'm trying to purchase goods or services from your employer.
Notes: We had almost uniformly great service on our trip. But not always and I believe this is the new normal: not enough staff, and some that are working would rather be influencing on Insta.
Well, this year’s 3 week stay stirred me to drill down further, but rather than more kvetching, I am offering solutions. Because again, we had mostly good service in the wide variety of restaurants we visited this time, too - but it was decidedly inconsistent.
So here, in my plea to anyone in the restaurant business, is how I would like to be treated and waited upon when I dine.
Feel free to get nauseous at my pretension and privilege and entitlement, but as you peruse my guidance, is it wrong? To have some expectations when the bill is going to be more than $100? Maybe way more?
For the record, the muse for this was a meal Julie and I had at Cafe’ Luxembourg last weekend, a supposed stalwart on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. We had a spendy lunch there that broke many of my rules preferences and it kind of irritated me.
It made me ask: Where, exactly, does one go and spend real money and have not-unreasonable expectations met, or even exceeded? Sure, most Michelin-starred restaurants do that, but who’s got the money for those places?
Yet must that mean I can’t receive proper service?
Portico Darwin Pleases at a Restaurant
Restaurant managers and owners, please:
Have enough employees and treat them humanely
Hire staff that have dined in restaurants before; if that’s not possible, please train your people
Seat me at a table not too close to others, or near a big party if it’s just two of us
Give me a menu when I am seated, and if it must be a QR code, please point it out to me
Acknowledge I’m here by giving me water within 5 minutes, 10 minutes max of being seated
Take my drink order within 10 minutes of being seated
Bring those drinks in a reasonable amount of time - 5 minutes, 10 minutes max
Return as those drinks are fading and take my food order
If I order wine, it should be served before any food is delivered
If I order wine, let me taste it before pouring
If I order wine, white or rosé wine should not be served too cold, while red wine should not be served too warm
Do not bring out multiple courses at once to the table, unless I’ve asked
Don’t make me wait longer than 15 minutes, 20 minutes max for any course
Cook my food as I’ve requested
Don’t rely upon premade courses if at all possible
Don’t make me wait longer than 10 minutes to clear my table when it’s obvious we’re done
Don’t make me wait longer than 10 minutes to ask if I’m having dessert or not
Bring my check for payment within 10 minutes of when we’re finished, and return it to me for signing within 5 minutes
Don’t insult me with junk fees on that check
OK, shred me. Which are snobby? Which are wrong?
FROM THE UNWASHED MASSES
The depth of Hunter Deuce’s Michael McDonald obsession knows no bounds.
A new Doobie Brothers album on the way with Michael McDonald:
Thank you for reading this newsletter.
KLUF
Yeah, this is about right. And also fucking Killer.